I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
