Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
