By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize