I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
