Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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