today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
