laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
