We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
