I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
organizing the empties. That sober.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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