Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
