u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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