i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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