My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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