your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
