She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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