I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
