the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
