I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
