I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
