Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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