Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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