come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
