32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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