you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
