she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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