I'm eating all of the evidence.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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