I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
