I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
