i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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