he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize