I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
