I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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