they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
