Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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