i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize