So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
