Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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