the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
