yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
