this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
