The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
