Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
