1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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