did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
