Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
