I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
