is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
