No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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