VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
