nut hugger
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
