next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
