every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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