I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
