I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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