you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
