Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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