i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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