lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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