do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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