I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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