and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
