Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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