I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize