Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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