New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
