accomplished twins. life is a go
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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