We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
