I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
