WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
