But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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