butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The air was thick with penises
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
