i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize