you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
