I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
