you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
