It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
