I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
