it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize