Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
