Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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