So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Your dad touched me again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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