Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
