matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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