i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
