He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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