You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize