Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
