Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
