32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
