guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
