I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
