I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
