Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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