false alarm. still invincible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize