found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
