I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
