He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
