Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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