Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There r osticjed everywhere
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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