God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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