I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
